#20: Darnell Brown "Lessons Learned"

What better way to avoid pitfalls and mistakes is listen to the experiences of others.
 In this episode we have a great conversation with Darnell Brown, an educator and growth strategist for creative entrepreneurs.  He has an interesting story about his home ownership process, and shares some valuable takeaways. 

Then of course we had to pick his brain about:

• How to focus on your goals and avoid distractions
• Re-shifting our priorities
• Reasons for seeking coaching and working with others
• How to align our goals
• Practical techniques that we can use in the New Year to "keep it real" with yourself

So much jammed pack into this conversation. We know you will enjoy this one!

Links:
Darnell's website
Darnell's Course - Chaos to Clarity

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Transcript

#20: Darnell Brown "Lessons Learned" 

[00:00:00] Thank you for listening. We are committed to helping you place your very first steps into your new home. See you next time. Hello everyone. My name is Carolyn. Welcome to the saving for your first home podcast. I am the CEO of the financial moment. We offer money coaching for those who are ready and willing to make financial changes in their lives. For the most of us, there comes a point in time where we think to ourselves, it will be really nice to own property, but it sometimes can feel like a pipe dream, and not very easily obtainable. So I created this podcast to give you all the information and tools you need to take the steps forward toward home ownership. Take it from me, my husband and I started our lives together, working part-time jobs with a young child, fast forward through many hiccups and failures. We stepped our feet into our very first home. [00:01:00] 

For us it was a pile of dirt, but eventually our family home was built on that dirt. Now we are in the midst of growing our investment property portfolio. I created the savings for your first home podcast to give you easy, actionable tools for you to do the same. If you have that same gut feeling that I did and want to create a life for yourself and your growing family, but don't know where to start.

You are in the right place. Let's do this

Welcome to the Saving for Your First Home podcast. Today we have Darnell Brown. He is a growth strategist and an educator that gives creative entrepreneurs the tools, clarity and flexibility to do the work that moves.

So I invited him to the show because like an entrepreneur with ambitious goals, buying and home can seem very overwhelming, and especially in this market. So as a growth strategist, I know he's gonna have some practical tools that can help all of us. How you doing Darnell?

I'm doing well. It is a great day outside. It's the most wonderful [00:02:00] time of the year. So I think most people are in a good mood, even if they're stressing out about gifts and parties and end of year taxes and sales and things. But otherwise, yeah, it's the most wonderful time of the year, so I'm not gonna be mad at that at all.

Hope that you're doing well too.

oh, for sure. Thanks so much

Yeah.

I know you're from Huntersville, North Carolina. So tell me a little bit about the area. Is that where you grew up

yeah, so, so hun Huntersville is right outside of Charlotte, and I spent most of my life growing up in Charlotte. I was originally born in Chicago. Came to Charlotte when I was nine years old. So that was in 93. Yeah. Next year I'll make three decades.

So I've spent way more of my life here, almost three quarters of it in the North Carolina area. And so Huntersville is probably be like the equivalent of the suburbs to Charlotte and kind of the uptown area. Yeah, our neighborhood, is pretty nice, diverse, in all elements.

 Everyone kinda looks out for one another. And I say in terms of this specific neighborhood, , one of the most I think [00:03:00] heartwarming things would be we have a lot of like what we call free porch pickups.

 A lot of people will be in the community, like the Facebook community and stuff that they wanna get rid of or that they have no use for. So people are really giving and that kind of culture makes you wanna pay it forward when you have something else or that you might want to trade or you're getting something new.

the nice thing about the neighborhood.

Yeah, that's kind of neat because , it greets community outside of the Facebook world and you're giving back , and making something useful to someone else that, you know, wasn't useful to you or wasn't serving you in that time.

So that's pretty cool. Just talking about homes and neighborhoods, how did you start saving for your first home? Like, what was your process?

Yeah, so that's a great question. My story with getting the first home, which was the house before this one, so this was coming out of my apartment that I had to myself. Then I met, who was my girlfriend at the time, who's now my [00:04:00] wife. I met her at the time that I was in my studio apartment, just by myself.

I didn't have any roommates. So this was in the early two thousands. Once we had gotten together, then it was time to change things and I guess that's what we now call like your starter home, which we didn't know that at the time. You, you're just happy to re to be going from an apartment to any house and like you're more excited about that and like the space, you're not thinking about different things when it comes to the neighborhood.

We didn't have kids still don't at this point as well too, so our priorities and stuff were different at that point. We were just trying to, I guess, have more space. And I didn't go the route that I should have went when it came to buying a house. I think that the way that I approached her was a bit reckless.

Just in terms of Carolyn, of saying, this is something that we want. Let's just go for it. Not too much thinking about it. I think, struggled with saving money around that time. I remember getting advice before moving outta the department. Financial advisors were saying like, you [00:05:00] should live below your means.

 You should have several months of runway saved up in case things go down. And I didn't listen. And we went and got the house.

the house

And then around that same time, Carolyn, that was when I had like the epiphany to leave my job in graphic design and become a freelancer because when I was sending out my resume, nobody was hitting me back.

So I felt like, I'm not just gonna sit here and wait for a handout. Maybe this means that , I should need to go at that loan. So I put in my two week notice, no savings, no lines of credit, no one to depend on, put in my two weeks notice, bought a car and bought a new house all in the same window of time. I remember this vividly cuz this was summer of 2008, right around the recession time too.

And it's just like, You couldn't have stacked the odds against yourself. Like I, I just completely cornered myself. So again, now that you reflect on that like many years later, it was not a wise decision. , I most certainly would do things differently. [00:06:00] I would've did the runway. I would've had the runway saved up.

I would've made sure that I was living below my means. I probably should have waited a few years before moving into that house. And so once I did,

did that

I felt like. , you know, you got foolish pride and you don't wanna downgrade. You just, I'm just like, I gotta make this work. I'm gonna read what I show, and instead of going backwards, I'm just going to press up against this.

I'll find the jobs that I need to, I'll promote myself at business parks and stuff in the area. Let them know, Hey, I'm around. I can do logos websites, brochures, flyers, whatever it. is. Business cards. 

whatever, hustler. I love it. 

Hustle. Yeah. Going at it and just saying, well, I don't wanna turn this around. So, this is what has happened.

My wife was a teacher at the time too. I feel like she supported me in that. She allowed me, to go through that. We were building this life together. So we didn't have, stability in terms of,

 A savings cushion. She had dependable income. And so we [00:07:00] had to depend on that for a. and I had to get, a job delivering food , to offset things when I wasn't getting projects in the beginning. Just to , keep that house. So that's, a little bit about my journey , with the first house.

 It's a good lesson because, planning people think that, oh, it's about that time I'm gonna know, go out and purchase a home and, you know, it'll be fine as long as I'm paying pretty much the same as what I'm paying in rent.

What's the problem, right? And then you realize that home ownership is so much more than just that mortgage payment. And it comes with, , you probably end up in a house where you know you need furniture, you need things that, you need the stuff to make the house , livable. And then on top of that, you have all the bills that come with it.

Electricity and light and heat. And people don't factor that in. I find a lot of the time, even with banks are saying, here, this is what you can. And, you know, they're basing it based on your income and they're handing out a mortgage, but really they're not looking at what your lifestyle's [00:08:00] like, right?

So they're not looking at the things that you spend your money on and where it's going to. They may look at your debt, but for the most part, they're just looking at your income and saying, Hey, this is what you can afford. We're gonna give you a mortgage for this as long as your credit is, in good standing and.

people fall into this trap of getting a more bigger home, a more expensive home, because hey, the bank told me that I can afford it, and then all of a sudden they're there and it's like, it's a problem. Right? Unfortunately, we have to go through these lessons to learn the hard way sometimes, but , I'm sure that you appreciate that time when you had to hustle, right?

And just find a way to make it work. So it's probably serving you now.

 It is. It is. And I think, I fell into the same traps even getting this current home. I did. You know, and I'm not proud to admit that. I think that just dealing with like character flaws and, and even.

just

Pride, you feeling like you, you deserve it. And like all of the things that you didn't have [00:09:00] growing up, like you, you be, you begin to aggressively, like, stretch those boundaries.

And then, you know, you get to the age that I am now and you begin to question those things and see, well, what was really going on beneath the surface? What was driving those decisions? Why did you want more space? Why did you need more than you had before? And I think it's just, 

for the most part, and feeling like you've, you deserved it and should, have that abundance. And at that time, that was, those were the things that was what I prioritized. I don't have any regrets. I just would've probably did things in a in a different manner. it's good and bad to sometimes corner yourself and, see what you made of, because it forces you to become creative , and to use the resources around you in, in a unique way. I think that was the great thing about that exercise.

But from, like you said, from a home ownership stand, yeah, I could've done things , [00:10:00] in a different manner and been a lot more prepared, I think, financially for, for both of the homes. Way more than, than I was going into 'em. I think the first home there, there wasn't really an issue.

Certainly the mortgage caused more than what the rent was at the apartment. and once I had made a name for myself as a freelancer, , we were able to pay those bills and stuff comfortably. Once we had upgraded here, things had ballooned even more.

And then I went through a kind of a similar cycle where getting this house was like by the skin on the teeth a little bit, and a really, really stretched thin, and I wouldn't go through that again. If we end up moving. wouldn't wanna go through that again, because that's a, that was a stressful process. 

If you're anything like I was staying on top of your budget is not an easy task. Paycheck to paycheck would go by and you're no further ahead. For my listeners, I am giving you this free guide that is going to take you to the next level. [00:11:00] It's got 10 easy tips to follow. To help you stay on track with your budget, just head to the financial moment.com/budget dash.

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exactly. And, the times like we're in right now, where the interest rates are rising. If you go into a home thinking, yes, I can afford that amount, well now. Add a couple percentages onto your interest rate and see if you can afford it then, because that's what we're looking at for the next couple years.

So, you know, it's something to think about when you're moving into a new another home. Yes, you wanna do an upgrade and yes, you've built equity in your home, but at the same time now if you move and transition to that next house that is more expensive can you afford it if it equals up even higher?

And so it's a good question to ask yourself, you know, as you're doing those transitions in life for. 

Interest is crazy.

yeah, it's nuts right now,

It's [00:12:00] crazy. Ooh. 

So going back to, you know, you being the growth strategist, how does an average person implement this growth strategy in their own daily lives?

 I'm usually catering to creative entrepreneurs for the most part. And, so entrepreneurs and freelancers. And in terms of growth strategy , my work kind of spreads out in, in different contexts. I try to be the straightest line between two points where the person is and where they're trying to get in the most efficient. . I get people to, practice things like discipline and focus, things that are timeless and extremely timely as well, and that are industry 

agnostic,

right? Things that'll help you become a better leader in whatever it is that you do.

If you wanna remain a, a solo practice or a freelancer that outsources a little bit, or what we call like a tiny business or a small business, some of us want to remain at that level, and we're fine [00:13:00] with that. Like that's, that's what fulfills us is to have a lot of control over what it is that we do and not have to manage too many people.

you really gotta be working on yourself. Your, skills with delegation and leadership, but also like not falling into , these depths of distractions and information overload so that you can implement on your intentions and living on purpose and acting on purpose. It's very difficult to do because. You are running up against so many challenges on the daily, like you're being bombarded with so many different things and next thing you know you'll look up and it's December, 2022 and you're wondering like kind of where the year has went.

Mm-hmm.

And so we have to find these pockets, these envelopes of time to be in the flow, in the vortex of what it is that we specialize in, and just do the work unobstructed and without distractions.

But it's so much easier said than done. And we have to cultivate a, a culture around it and a discipline, and we have to treat it as a project and care about it and be obsessed enough to [00:14:00] know that, okay, I could do better than what I. , right? Carolyn has the same 24 hours a day as as me. She might have different lifestyle challenges, but it all comes down to what we prioritize.

And that's what a lot of my work is around, like getting people to, to figure out what those priorities are, Carolyn, and finding the tough questions and the way to probe and get to the root right. Peel back those onion layers so that you can't ask the question why anymore of what's driving your decisions?

Are you coming from a place of lack of abundance, which. From the financial sense, but it, it also determines like the moves that you make or if you're comparing yourself to other people versus who you were yesterday.

And to sometimes reshift our priorities depending on the season that we, that we are in, in our personal and professional lives, realizing that it's constantly changing, that it's always evolving and leaning into that fully and saying, I don't have to be at a fixed state. Right? I don't have to have these same goals for the entire year.

Maybe it's just [00:15:00] four.

week. Right.

And you gotta test and experiment some things. And being totally cool with that and recognizing that you're, you're still growing with the process. You're still evolving. And just to have fun with, it's got to be fun. And we gotta look at what our priorities are. And I get people, to question themselves and to assess themselves and to check themselves and to do it on a frequent basis.

You might be having goals that aren't aligned with who you were., you got your head at your desk and like buried in your work. You don't take up time to even consider, is this something that I still want? And if it is, what's driving that? 

Is that coming from some trauma from my childhood? Could that be driving my decision all the way until now? We got, we got some work to do, then we got some work to do to, to kind of heal those wound.

Mm-hmm.

So that we can come from a place of abundance and so that we can have consistent success in all that we do.

Financial especially, I mean, that's a topic. [00:16:00] This is a topic that we could, that we could talk on for, for a long time. Cause I have so many feelings around. Around wealth and, and generation and, and bookkeeping and all of the things that I know I need to do in, in, in my own business and like character flaws that I need to work through and, and trust people and, and like get help with certain things and feel okay with leaving that stuff in other people's hands because I'm not embarrassed.

I'm not afraid to divulge those details to the people that I work. It's a matter of, I guess, prioritizing it to the degree to say, well, if I need to get to that next level, right, I probably getting a money coach or to have someone hold me accountable in certain ways the same way that I hope other people and hold them accountable.

Right, because your coaches have coaches. All your

coaches got coaches. We, we all need spotters when we go to the gym. Right. Metaphorically. When you get down on that, when you get down to do some bench pressing, if you're by yourself, you're never going to lift as much as you as you [00:17:00] could because you're worried about

like losing your grip and it falling on your 

neck.

Exactly. 

looking out for your blind spots, when you got a spotter and stuff, they're with you. Not only are they there to help you, but they're gonna push you beyond yourself and pose limitations. They're gonna say like, you could throw extra weights up there and gimme all that you. 

you. got. 

And I think that great coaches and consultants, that's, that's what they're like in our lives and in many different facets, right?

Whether it's a, a financial advisor here, a bookkeeper there, or a lawyer or something like these are people that are skilled in different areas to, to help us when we need them. 

Yeah. It's, it's so true what you said about taking a path and, trying to get from A to B in a straight line, and our lives are not always that clear cut. Right. And they always take these whining routes.

You have these unexpected events that occur and you think that it's thrown you off, but it's a good point that you made that you need to really look. , are the goals the same, right? Like, you know, you've been thrown off path, or are the right goals [00:18:00] still the same? Or why am I trying to fight to get over here when really my life has shifted a bit?

Right? And we need to reset those goals. So it's a great, thing to always catch yourself , and think about that. I was just talking about getting advice cuz people feel like they wanna just keep everything to themselves and they figure that they know and they d they don't wanna reach out for that help.

And

I'm, I'm guilty of that.

you know what I mean? But I'm just

I'm so guilty of that. You're right. You're right. I don't, and I don't know why, like, We're, we're, we're proud. We're proud. It's like it's complex contradictions of it all. Like we're proud at the same time, but we also want to be that resource for other people.

But like we look at ourselves, we're both our harshest critic and our biggest fan. It's like the paradoxes and contradictions of life, I would say. Reaching out for help. I think for me, Carolyn, 

When, when you reach out, not only are you putting yourself out there, like you're being bare about what's really going on kind of beneath this mask, this facade that you might wear in a public face, like your, your smiling self, the version of yourself that [00:19:00] is your best self.

And it is true to you. And it's the version that you want people to remember you by, because you, you wanna leave them better than you found them. So it is a facet of us. But not, not only are you burying yourself in that way,

in weight,

You're also, you're also setting yourself up for like expectations to a certain degree.

And we all know that expectations can lead to disappointment. And so that, that for me could be like, Like the high standards that I have for myself. If I outsource or hire for help that doesn't live up to my own standards for myself, then I'm gonna be like, see, that's why, that's why I've been doing this all of this time myself.

Cuz , they don't even have pride of ownership over their work to the same degree that I have , like just simple responsiveness and decency when it comes to just, communication is beyond, is beyond like their comprehension or the way that they work.

And so then I, then I'll clam up and. Yeah, I'm, I'm just gonna handle

I'm 

a minute because you done been burned once. See, cause , I'm already playing that in my head. But, that is limited thinking. I know better. That's [00:20:00] very limited thinking for a multitude of reasons.

Like it is never that bad. I'm never gonna task somebody with something that would be that grave in the first place. Like I'm gonna start with smaller things. And then secondly, like , you have so many chances to size people up, to have conversations with them, to see if you're a good fit.

Cuz the synchronicity has to be there on both sides. They gotta want you too. Like you both gotta pick each other sometimes, and you gotta work with people that have high integrity and they're around. They're, just masters at what they do, and they have as little time as you do. And so sometimes, you gotta pair yourself with the right type of energy and certainly skillset so that you don't get burned in those ways.

At, at least that's how I see it.

Yeah, no, to totally hear you on that one. So what about prioritizing those goals? How do we do that and how do we kind of avoid some of the common pitfalls that people fall into?

 Prioritizing the goals, I think that we have to get to a point, Carolyn, where we become like uber self-aware. We can't [00:21:00] be afraid of recognizing what our shortcomings are, and we have to lean into that and be, and look at the person in the mirror when no one else is around and just be completely blind.

is about

Like who you are, flaws and all because you've made, a pat with yourself internally that I'm gonna present myself to the world as I am.

and the all of me as well too. And that's gonna resonate with people. That's gonna resonate with those who I need to reach and who my tribe will be and they'll have my back. And when you come to this point where you become hyper self-aware, then it's like everything becomes clear that's the final internal level about really knowing who you are.

And it's a combination, Carolyn. Me asking people like you, what do you see when we, have conversations, because it's gonna be different than how I see myself. And you're asking people that you congregate with regularly, what do they come to you for? How do they see you?

Like, what value are they adding to [00:22:00] yourselves? And you're kind of finding that common denominator and looking at what you're presenting to the world. And if that is in alignment with that. And then if it isn't, you know, you gotta make some change. Priorities are tapped into , what we find important in life and what is relevant to us at the season that we're in, which is very important and, and sometimes it's hard to kind of wrap our heads around.

around

That vital point of this is a season that I'm in and not, it doesn't even need to typically be a three month one, but we could look at that just , as a baseline to say, well, what, what am I into these next three months? What have I done the, the prior three months?

And let me assess myself and let me see what these priorities are. And then finally, I would say the other side of that lens is,

got

We, have to approach all of our priorities That's coming from a place of abundance. So when it's coming from a place of lack, it's gonna be hard to sustain it. But lack , is important and useful because it creates a hunger for things, a hunger for something that you don't [00:23:00] have.

And you need hunger. You, you need hunger because you can't teach that.

yeah,

Just like when we have a hunger pain, like I can't tell you that you're hungry. You just know it in your gut. You crave what you just want naturally and what is organic to you. So Hungary is useful , in that regard , and for the lack element, but when you have to switch it to abundance, you need consistency. Well, abundance creates consistency. In a way that lack doesn't.

And so lack can kind of start you off. It'll kind of be like, like that can kickstart you. It'll be the spark plug for things. But to keep going down that road, you gotta be driven by something greater than not only yourself, but kind of an ideal that you can always be living towards. You should always feel like your best days are ahead of you.

It's what keeps you going. It's what keeps you feeling. Okay. I still have yet to reach my prime. It'll keep you on the edge, it'll keep you challenging yourself and, and to keep you growing. So priorities are subjective, right? They change. No one [00:24:00] can teach you what your priorities are. We can talk about what they should be, but you wanna be looking at what your goals are, why you're driven by them, and to say, well, do I have effective habits and routines?

And are my priorities all in alignment with those goals? Am I living like the person that I want to? , and if I'm not, those are tweaks that you, that you have to make. You have to start making some adjustments. You have to prioritize good health over eating and indulging in just eating whatever that you want.

but nobody can like, teach you that. , it's a good idea to do it, but you have to prioritize. Oh, okay, well no, I, I wanna be around for, your kids, your grandkids, or you wanna be able to move and, and function and have flexibility and mobility like you're thinking about those things when you practice.

Good things that lead towards health, financial, health, same exact way, same exact metaphor. You have to be doing things with your spending habits and your saving habits, right? That are in alignment , with how wealthy people handle things for instance.

Cuz that's not gonna help you. You gotta, rub shoulders with people that are where you [00:25:00] want to be and stuff a little bit and, and that are willing to give you some game and kind of take you up under their wing. But Priorities, they, it's gotta be something bigger than yourself.

I would.

Exactly. And you know, as we're coming to the, towards the end of 2022, it's a good time to actually do that reflection

Yes.

, and actually really go through and say, okay, well you know what? This is where I did Excel. This is where I didn't the habits that you talked about, like, that is super important because you don't even realize you're in a habit. Like, you know, I, I read 

Ooh.

The book, you know, atomic Habits by James Clear, and it says, if you don't create good habits, the bad habits will form

themselves.

And I mean, how true is that, right? Because if you're not intentional about what you're doing, it can be finances, it can be, , personal wellness. It can be so many things. But if you're not intentional about it, then. The bad habits are just gonna creep in. And before you know what time is going to get away from you and you haven't [00:26:00] accomplished what you truly wanted to.

1000% and you have to be agitated enough to even make those changes to like reprioritize your life in, in any way. That's, again, one of those things that a person can't teach you. You gotta be shaken out of that apathy that you're feeling and to, and to be like, well man, I'm, I'm, I'm so frustrated with what I'm going through, like this is the time that I'm gonna change it.

You don't have to wait till the beginning of the year to do it. , I mean, that's really, you know, resolutions are hard to sustain. It's, it's easy when it's the beginning of the year and everybody's doing it and, and that's a perfect time to reboot. But how do you maintain that consistency way in December?

And are you still doing those exact same? And, a lot of us fall off the wagon with that. That's perhaps because our goals might be too lofty, Carolyn, too broad. And we're not celebrating the smaller milestones in between. Like what is my goal for this first week in January?

And let me just see if I can do that. Let me start with these baby steps. Don't, right? Just starting with that. You don't need to lose 60 pounds. What about just one and stuff? What about just walking [00:27:00] around the.

That's right.

and gradually, like you say, okay, now I'm, I'm gonna walk to that stop sign and stuff now, or I'm gonna jog to that stop sign, or I can go a little bit further, and you baby step it a little bit and you celebrate those wins, Carolyn, in between, which is super important.

It helps you enjoy the process and not feel like you failed on this bigger goal where, oh, I didn't lose 60 pounds, but I lost 59. What you mean to tell me? Like you gonna trip over one little.

That's right.

It's the same thing. The goals are too broad. They're too broad and, and and, and it, and it takes too long to count.

I'm just like, no smaller goals. Small, like sub goals. Sub goals, and celebrate every single win with grace and, and humility because there, there's. There's, there's grace in the whole process of it all, and you have to enjoy it and stuff as well. When you wanna lose that weight, for instance, or you wanna gain that type of income, you have to enjoy everything that it takes , to do those things and find some joy in the process.

You can't begrudgingly do it cuz you won't stick to it. Then Carolyn like, [00:28:00] you'll stop the moment. Life happens.

happens, for sure.

it's not fun, it's not enjoyable. And so how, how do we find something that's enjoyable about it? Well, is there's so many ways to do it. So many different practices and hacks, right? We could attach it to a reward, like a rewards-based system, right?

Or gamify things. We could say, I'm gonna eat salads all week because I can earn a brownie or something like on Saturday, and I can eat whatever I want. Like, you gotta attach some enjoyment around it, Caroline. That's the only way it's gonna work.

Exactly, exactly. That's so good. So what are some of the resources or tools that you would recommend for someone like, as we know we're heading into the new year, what's, what's a maybe a favorite book or a resource or something that you would recommend?

 Damn. That's a good question. Man, maybe a couple things. One of 'em would be, A process for journaling. And it doesn't need to be Carolyn, like you writing with a pen in the paper. You might not be that type of person. You might not be old school like that.

 It doesn't even mean typing it on a [00:29:00] digital journal. This, just means documenting. , like what you're going through in your life for your own reflection. Not even to share with anybody, but just as we talked about earlier, Carolyn, this is how I started to become more self-aware of all of the things that's going on and the things that are driving me and, and things that are shaping me

Because you're untethered from the pressure of this is something that has to be released.

So you can be as raw and as honest as you can, and whether you just record it as you, like, go for a walk or at the end of the night like to talk about your feelings. With no holds barred, right? You might even be more honest with yourself than you are with your partner or with your companion.

So it has to be something that's private just for you. It , is just like approaching a blank page or a blank recording or drawing. Like an activity of some sort that just allows you to be your honest self and a place to record your thoughts so that you can reflect on them. We have to do it. It's a [00:30:00] great exercise, Carolina, highly recommended.

And sometimes it's not even about like the reflection of it, it's the process of doing it that leads you to like just certain, moments of clarity, certain revelations, the process and the exercise of documenting how you're truly feeling rather than just thinking the. Privately in your own head.

It's something about getting it out into the universe and crystallizing it from a thought onto something that you can see or play back that changes the game for you. So a journaling mechanism would be a highly recommended one. Vision boards, my wife and I do them every year. That's a big one too.

End of year , we sit. Grab us a little bit of a little bit of sip some champagne or something and, have a good meal and just go in like on New Year's Eve. And, and lay out all of the stuff that we want. We grab all of the scrapbook from all of the junk mail that we received

Yeah.

because, and we're just like, we're gonna make good [00:31:00] use out of all of this.

And you'll always find words and photos, even in magazines that you don't even want. So that's what I mean about being resourceful and using like what's one person's trash as a treasure and making something even out of junk mail and turning it into art. It's an exercise that's good to do.

Like it's fun to do it with somebody, but also to reflect on that and then like walk past that every day as you kind of come in at the house. Oh, see, that was our vision

That's

and seeing, seeing how much of it that you hit already and being able to kind of highlight and check that off the Right. So that, that's another one.

Vision boards in, in terms of anything to consume. There's so many good books. Some of the ones that come to mind super quick. Carolyn would be people over Prophet. I think Dale Carnegie wrote that one. That was a really good book. I liked a lot. I put that in my favorites. So people over Prophet?

Yeah. Really good book. Oh, I don't remember the author, but the Pitch Manifesto was also a really good recent book that I read this year. I forgot the author's name, I'm sorry to that, to that author, but this one was a really good [00:32:00] book that just, it reframes in positions like, the creative entrepreneurs to shift , their paradigm and thinking when it comes to like pitching their services to people so that you hold a lot more leverage in the relationship when, when you are being commissioned to do some work and it's just like, yeah, you know, you're gonna start looking at yourself differently.

You're not gonna apologize for your rates. You, you're not going to negotiate on your rates. You're only gonna work with people that recognize your value and realize that they're actually getting you at a bargain. And some people think that these rates are out of the stratosphere. , it is okay.

You're just not meant to work with them in the season for whatever the reason is. So that was a really a really good book, highly recommended on that one. In terms of like resources that I have that I've really recently come across. I like the author Bern. Bernadette, Bernadette gwa, I think she's, she's overseas.

 She has a lot of good resources when it comes to like, storytelling and like conscientious marketing, which are [00:33:00] topics that really resonate with 

for sure. 

At the end of the day, all businesses are telling a story of some sort and that's like the seed of it all. And the better that you can get at storytelling authors that teach me how to story tell or how to get better at finding the areas in my life and all of the anecdotes and lessons in your life, and figuring out how to, how to tell that in a compelling way, how to like engage your listener and.

Create a, a huge no, like, and trust factor. I read so many self-improvement in like business slash nine fiction books. I prefer to read self-help books , and things that teach me about like branding and marketing. So a lot of the resources that I just shared were, were more about that one.

But like the journaling and vision board. Personal

for sure. And that's how you move yourself forward and that's how you grow. Right. So it's, 

Oh yeah. 

perfect. So, you know, I've enjoyed so much this conversation. It's been really good. How can listeners find you?

Yeah, so they can find me@darnellbrown.com. D a r n e [00:34:00] l l Brown, like the color.com. That's my main hub. That's where you can find all of my social handles and things as well. I have a few free resources to share with people, share with your listeners I'm doing several things.

 I do a little bit of consulting. I still design, but largely for my own businesses and stuff. Now I do writing, I, I blog, I podcast as well. I'm on hiatus now. My, my next season is coming up in, in 2023. And so that'll be fun and interesting and having new. Perhaps such as yourself,

self on it and kind of branching out.

And so yeah, so that, that's my main hub. That's kind of what I'm up to doing many different things. Different ways and paths to reach the audience, , to reach different audiences and to make your message more and more impactful , and to make it reach a, a wider audience, or at least be available in an, in a plethora of ways that people, however they choose to consume their content, wanted to have something for kinda everybody, if you like to [00:35:00] watch it.

Listen to it or, or read it. I kind of got something for everything. So yeah, darner Brown dot.

 Thank you. And like you said, if you want, we'll include in our show notes any free resources for our listeners because we appreciate you and we thank you for coming on the show.

Yeah. Yeah, and I, I appreciate you as well, Carolyn. This was great, before you leave, did you have any tips related to what you're doing for me at this point in, in my life

yeah.

that could perhaps , be useful for your listeners as well?

as well. Absolutely. You know, and we kind of touched on it, it's interesting how these things kind of transition from topic to topic, right? Because finance is an interesting thing. It's all about setting goals. It's all about prioritizing, and it's all about really assessing who you are, which is exactly what we were talking about today, right?

And so I guess the biggest tip that I would say or take away is that, Really take , a hard look at what you've done over the past three months. So even pull [00:36:00] the bank statements, right, pull the bank statements and actually run through it line by line. And little exercise that I get some of my clients to do is to take different color highlighter, and you're just highlighting to see where your money's going.

So if it's like groceries or if it's like takeout or whatever it is, you know, you highlight it in a certain color and something is going to come up glaring at. And that's how you're gonna. Where you can maybe tweak a little bit to change where the trajectory of your money is going. So it's just a fun exercise to do.

Right. And it, and, and I always encourage people to do money dates, right? Do that with your wife every once or two, twice a week, or sorry, not twice a week, every two weeks. I think that would be too much. But do those money dates and actually run through and. See where your money is going. And have open discussion.

It's so important. Money dates. . I got that book by bar Tesla. The 

Art of Money. She talks about money dates in that.

Exactly, [00:37:00] exactly.

money dates and set you a nice environment and a 

nice 

I've actually applied some of that technique and things I recommend, so it's, you're right.

 It's funny how like you and I are like, just, we're pitching right now, like in terms of like, we're just like playing catch right

now. these different topics. They just work in so many different contexts of setting up that ambiance where you can discuss sometimes what is a difficult topic, right?

Or, or a topic. People be breaking up over money and

You know, true.

a money date, like if you can, you can have comfortable conversations and good energy and stuff around it. And like you said, the date part.

Exactly. And it brings out The honesty and the openness, right? And so it, it helps with that relationship and it helps with, setting your goals and moving forward and even keep it as part of your vision board perhaps, right?

Like it's something that you 

Mm. 

know, you may think you want this. Sometimes we think about things as material, but you know, , it's not always about the material, right. It's not what you're, what you're trying to achieve as a couple. Those are the tips that I would share.[00:38:00] 

Yeah. Yeah. I apprec I appreciate that is helpful. that has reminded me , that we should be doing money dates a little bit more often 

Mm-hmm 

true. I, I have the book right above right above this computer on a shelf surprisingly, and talk, talking about like favorite resources.

I don't know 

Yeah, 

one. Like, it's one that I 

a good one. You know, 

in my, circum.

that's,

would be, that would be one of 'em too. That was definitely a really good book. 

So it's been helpful.

for sure. So yeah, it's, again, it's been a great conversation and I appreciate you coming on this show and I look forward to, you know, one day popping on your podcast,

Yeah, most definitely. I, I appreciate it and thank you again so much, Carolyn. It's been a pleasure.

All right, take care.

Thank you for listening. We are committed to helping you place your very first steps into your new home. See you next time.